Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
