I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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