sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My dick has a subreddit
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
