he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Randomize
