im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
