I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
