just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
