Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
