I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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