im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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