dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
