Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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