fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
