I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
