She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
