apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
