So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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