Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
