Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
