I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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