The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
are you so shy because you have an std?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
