so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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