Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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