PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
