I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
