last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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