yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
