don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
