cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
