i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
