Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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