I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
