Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I need to stop coming to work sober
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Randomize
