i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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