I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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