Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
