I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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