so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
