and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
