how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
