At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
