it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
