I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
