Rock
Scissors
Fuck
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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