So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
