just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
