Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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