why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
