Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
