Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
