drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
