So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
