it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
