"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
